Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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