Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
