I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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