He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
