Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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