I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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