And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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