and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
