I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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