just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
