tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
