I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
