of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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