Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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