Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
