meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
