have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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