It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you have to choose: penises or morals?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
