nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
