your parents love me but you hate me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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