Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
