Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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