No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
