I am puke
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
