remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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