There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
