I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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