just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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