Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize