Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
