My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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