forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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