it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
