wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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