i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
