Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
