You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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