Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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