tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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