Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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