where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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