The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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