that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.