Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.

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(507): I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it. http://tfl.nu/rt4x

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(805): View more from California

they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

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(805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av

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(317): View more from Indiana

he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

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(317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

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(443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd

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(248): View more from Michigan

Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

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(248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74

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(503): View more from Oregon

You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.

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(503): You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine. http://tfl.nu/60jl

Replies (6) Good night (1530) Bad night (486)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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(937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6

Replies (14) Good night (1144) Bad night (3264)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...

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(910): So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up... http://tfl.nu/q907

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(479): View more from Arkansas

This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"

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(479): This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!" http://tfl.nu/9tko

Replies (26) Good night (840) Bad night (1625)
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(818): View more from California

Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)

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(818): Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now) http://tfl.nu/gh6j

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night

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(250): I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night http://tfl.nu/2rtf

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(586): View more from Michigan

We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.

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(586): We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard. http://tfl.nu/e4oz

Replies (4) Good night (1030) Bad night (348)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?

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(319): Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics? http://tfl.nu/v7hw

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him

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(215): I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him http://tfl.nu/j1cu

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.

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(605): Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast. http://tfl.nu/w2q8

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