Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW