Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
