Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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