I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
