But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i've created a new STD.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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