I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
