I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
