using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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