census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
