wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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