Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
