My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize