I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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