I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
