I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
