THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
