Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
