the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
