i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
