thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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