Ambien. No doubt about it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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