I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
zippers are such a cool invention
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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