Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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