You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
