Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
