he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
