So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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