id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
