So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
