Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
