It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
