hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
