i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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