So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
