she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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